"Vanderpump Rules" Star Scheana Shay Reflects On Growing Up Feeling "Not Mexican Enough," And How She's Raising Her Daughter Differently

BuzzFeed: First of all, I want to congratulate you on your memoir, My Good Side, which came out earlier this year and made the New York Times bestseller list. What was the experience of picking which parts of your life to include in it like?

Scheana Shay: That was the tricky part, because I could have written a novel on a novel on a novel of my life, but it's like, okay, what parts are people going to care about? What should I expand on? What should we, you know, just maybe brush over, or not put in at all? It really was a collaborative effort between myself, my team, my manager, Mark —  so much help on it. And the publisher, ultimately. You know, we submitted everything, and they're like, "Okay, this is maybe a little too much childhood. Let's cut back here, but go deeper on this subject." And so overall, [it was a] very collaborative effort, and it worked.

How did your IRL friends and family react to reading about themselves in the book? Were there any reactions that surprised you or that you weren't expecting?

Not from my family. There were family members I did not want to read it, because I'm like, "You don't need to know all of this stuff!" But I think that some of my friends, more than my family, were surprised with certain things. They're like, "Wow," because they never knew about the Hooters lawsuit and so many other things that I was involved in.

A lot of my friends just got to know a different side of me, and I loved that so much. I wrote this book so everyone could learn more about my life and why I am the way I am. But it was really cool to have some of my closest friends realize that they didn't know so many of these things that were touched on in the book.

In addition to talking about your early life, the book also covers your time on Vanderpump Rules. Did you find it difficult to share your take on events that fans had already seen on-screen in the show or already had their own opinions on?

No, that was the easiest part of writing the book! I'm like, "Here's the real story. Let me tell you it all."

It’s no secret that a ton of A-list celebs, from Selena Gomez to Rihanna, have shared that they’re really big fans of Vanderpump. I mean, Lady Gaga did that Vanity Fair polygraph interview where she shared that you're the cast member she’ll miss the most, which is such a cool thing to hear. Who have you been most surprised to learn is a fan of yours? Has there ever been a celebrity who's slid into your DMs where you were like, "Oh my god, I can't believe this person knows who I am!?"

I think the ones that you named, honestly. It's like, I knew most of them were fans of the show, but you never know who they're a fan of, which team they're on. So to hear Lady Gaga and Seth Rogen say my name, that was insane. And I mean, they're two people I look up to. They are people whose careers are extraordinary, and they are just such talented individuals. So to have them be watching my life and say they either will miss me the most or relate to me the most, that was crazy.

Speaking of celebrities, are there any Latino actors, musicians, etc. that you really look up to?

Oh my gosh. As a child, Selena, obviously. That was, I think, my first intro into Latin music. I remember I was in, like, fourth or fifth grade when she passed away. My school did this big production every year called "Fame," and that year we were dedicating it to her. So she was my first inspiration in anything in this world.

I mean, gosh, there are so many, you know? Jennifer Lopez did an amazing job playing her, but I've also loved watching her career. Bad Bunny, he is just killing it right now. I was just watching a little SNL skit that he did, and he's so talented across the board. Shakira! The list goes on and on.

Back to your book — was there anything you didn’t include in your book but wish you had, or anything you did include that you wish you hadn’t? Or would you say your feelings on the whole thing are, "I said what I said, and I stand by it."

I said what I said, and I stand by it! However, there were certain things that I could have gone in more depth [on], gave a little more detail and color to, but I felt like, for my first book — for this memoir, I felt like I said enough to leave people, you know, maybe wanting a little more. I was trying to be respectful. I wasn't out to ruin anyone with this book. It was not a tell-all about anyone other than myself. So, as much as so many of these people have been a huge part of my life and my career, I didn't want to make the whole book about that. So I said what I said, and, you know, I always have more to say. 

Something really interesting and I think really relatable to a lot of people that you write about is growing up “feeling like [you] had to hide being half Mexican,” as you didn’t feel Latina enough to fit in at school, and simultaneously felt like you stuck out when you were with your immediate family, because you looked different than they did. You’ve also spoken about how reconciling your feelings with this is “the next chapter of your life.” What has that looked like for you so far, and what is your relationship with your heritage like now?

I feel like in the past, you know, I just hadn't always been comfortable talking about my Latin heritage, and not because I'm embarrassed or ashamed. Literally, quite the opposite. I'm so proud to be Mexican, but I just kind of felt, like, a bit of imposter syndrome. I know one of the main reasons [why] was my dad, the man who raised me. He's Dutch, blonde hair, blue eyes, and my mom has blonde hair, green eyes. My Latin heritage comes from my biological father's side, who was always in my life, but more kind of from a distance. That's not who raised me. 

I didn't grow up in a household speaking Spanish, which I wish I did. I wish my daughter did. But I never wanted my dad to feel like he wasn't enough, or he wasn't, you know, my real dad, because that's my dad, that's who raised me. So I kind of hid that part of my life. And, you know, not being raised with, like I said, the language, the culture, I just felt like I didn't fit in. I felt like I couldn't tell people that I was Mexican because my last name was Jancan, and my parents are white, so [people] weren't going to understand that.

But yeah, going back to the imposter syndrome, I feel like that's just something I've struggled with. I never want to be seen as just taking advantage of the positive parts of this community — you know, like this opportunity before me right now — while not having to deal with the challenges that this community faces in America. What we are going through right now is so crazy. 

I literally try to always stay out of politics, because I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing. If you listen to my podcast, you know I do say little, but I feel like the challenges and racism that the Latin community faces, especially in the heightened more recent times, with everything with ICE, it's not even a political issue at this point. It's a human issue. I have heard so many stories of people just being ripped apart from their families, and it's not okay. People being targeted because of their skin color, their language, the music they listen to, their job...it's just...it's all wrong. 

Like the backlash of Bad Bunny doing the Super Bowl? Straight up racist. It's not okay. I said this on my podcast last week — the Super Bowl is global, and music is universal. That could, like, be one of the biggest Super Bowl halftime shows ever. He's so iconic. I saw him at SNL for the 50-year anniversary, and [he was] so good. 

But I do feel like just finally opening up to the world about my family and putting this all in the book, I feel like I finally have a bit of permission to further explore my cultural identity, and I really do want to lean into that more. I tell my daughter she's Mexican and she's Polynesian. We're trying to teach her about the culture, which she doesn't completely understand yet, because she just knows her Nani and her Opa. She's meeting, though, her Hispanic cousins, we spend a lot of time with them in Vegas. 

And one day, I think she's going to ask, like, "Wait, so whose side of the family are they on?" because she doesn't yet realize there's a third side of the family — your cousins, your uncles, your tíos...but we spent some time with my Hispanic family in Vegas this past weekend, and she got to be there with them. So it's always nice when we can get together and just feel like a family.

You touched on something there that I wanted to talk about, actually. I wanted to take a moment to applaud you for not shying away from using your platform and social media to talk about the ongoing ICE raids in LA these last few months, and how that's affected the community, especially when many in the industry who live in LA haven't said anything. What has it been like to see all this as someone who grew up in and around LA?

It's unimaginable what's going on, but it is happening. And to see stories online, to see these raids at our local car wash, like literally around the corner, at the park I take my daughter to, it is just inhumane. These are hardworking people who are here just trying to build a better life for themselves, and to see the way that they are being treated is just inhumane.

In your book, you also write, “Being different was basically the worst thing in the world to my mind in 1990s Azusa, so it all felt very embarrassing and hurtful. And it initiated an identity struggle within me that would last for many years, since it seemed like being myself often put me on the outside.” Can you elaborate on what that identity struggle was like for you, and how you grappled with it over the years, or are still grappling with it?

I remember this vividly from the Selena movie, when he's talking about being Mexican American. He's like, We're not Mexican enough for this. And like, when he's explaining about being Mexican American, that kind of [resonated with me]. I just felt like that my identity...I didn't know what it was. I knew I was Mexican. I had the brown hair and the brown eyes, but I had the white family and the white last name, and so it was a struggle for me to figure out how to not be too white, but also how to be Mexican. As a 12-year-old in middle school, that's really hard for a kid to do. 

I was in a primarily Hispanic school. I fit in looks-wise. I did the eyebrows. I had my whole Chola phase in the '90s. That was also kind of the style, but I just felt like I needed to do that to fit in. I need to look as Mexican as possible, because no one believed it. They're like, "We see your parents. They're white. Okay, Miss Jenkins." And I'm like, it's Jancan, and it's my mom's [last name]. But I didn't have my biological father's last name. That's not who was raising me. My mom didn't want to give me his last name. That maybe would have changed the way I was treated at that school, but at the same time, I'm proud of who I am. I just didn't know it at such a young age. I was embarrassed that I was not Mexican enough, and I was too white. 

It was a struggle for me for years, but once I got into a private Catholic High School and made a new group of friends, I fit in just fine. That really changed the course of my life, just getting out of that environment and being in a school where it's a community that's diverse with people who support people and aren't trying to tear them down. That was great.

In your own words, what does being Latina mean to you?

Being Latina means being strong, being fierce, and just being a boss. You know, we get shit done, we handle it, and we don't let anyone walk all over us. And I feel like I'm finally really coming into my own with that. I pick up bits from my other Hispanic girlfriends, from family members, and I'm just really trying to feel proud of where I've come from, because I am. I'm trying to just show the world, and that's why I opened up about it in the book.

I'm very proud of my heritage, and I do wish I grew up with more of that. I literally said that to my biological father this weekend at dinner. I'm like, "You know, I wish I grew up speaking Spanish. I wish I grew up with the history outside of school history books." I just wish I had more of that culture growing up, but we can't go back in the past. All we can do is do better moving forward with my daughter. I've just taught her how to count, I think she's up to maybe 15 or 20 in Spanish, and I'm just trying to give her the little vocab words here and there so she understands. Because I'm like, "Honey, you are Mexican, okay? I'm gonna raise you with you knowing where you came from."

And finally: On your podcast, Scheananigans, recently you revealed that you will not be returning for Season 3 of The Valley, though you were offered a spot on the show. What can fans expect next from you?

TBD! I have a lot of things that I'm working on. I don't know which will come to fruition first, but there have been so many things that I haven't pursued because I've just been doing the same thing for so long, and now it's time to just attack all of those head-on. And I'm so excited to see what's next. Doors are opening, and it's just a matter of which one I'm going to walk in first.

Thanks for chatting with me, Scheana! If you're looking for more of the good-as-gold reality star, you can keep up with her on Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter as @scheana, or on her podcast, Scheananigans. You can also find her memoir, My Good Side, here.